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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22998991">Please Don't Be Him</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miracles_happen/pseuds/Miracles_happen'>Miracles_happen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Crying, Gay, M/M, Men Crying, Missing Scene, Reflection, Whump, episode 1x08, i litereally have never written something so angsty, idk if they're's gonna be fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:20:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,555</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22998991</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miracles_happen/pseuds/Miracles_happen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlos's POV from when TK got shot. A lot of reflection over the two's relationship in the series.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Michelle Blake &amp; Carlos Reyes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>120</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Please Don't Be Him</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ok so I haven't written a fanfic on 911 Lone Star since the very beginning, so this is kind of to make up for that. Also, it's kind of trashy because I basically only write fluff so.... :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As he pulled up to the house and heard the woman in the back weep at the sight of her husband, Carlos’s heart tightened at the sound, imagining what it would be like to feel that relieved. To love someone so much that you can’t help but make an actual sound at the sight of them being okay. He thought he had that with TK, what with the instant connection he thought was reciprocated when they first met, but recently they had been taking it slow, going on casual not-really-dates that made Carlos fall harder and harder for the gorgeous, green-eyed, mysterious man that was Tyler Kennedy Strand.</p><p>Almost as soon as the car stopped moving, the woman raced out of the car to hug her husband, sobbing as she held him. The man’s face was so broken yet so calm as if everything he ever needed was right there in his arms. As if everything he had been suffering through, the trauma and pain dementia undoubtedly caused him was just that much better because he had his wife with him. If only Carlos could be that for TK. If only TK would open up a crack so that Carlos could help in the tiniest bit to help heal the broken mess that he got a glimpse at in the police precinct when TK was brought in after a bar fight. Carlos could still remember seeing the name Tyler Kennedy Strand and snorting, actually snorting at the hilarious simplicity of the name he had been pondering over for weeks, the realization of the meaning of what that name on that list actually was not quite hitting him. He remembered sitting down from TK who looked so lost, so defeated, so tired as he clutched an ice pack to his face. He looked nothing like the bright and shining TK that would waltz into his apartment, capture his lips, and have his way with Carlos. No, this was a peek at the great tragedy of Tyler Kennedy Strand that, if he was lucky enough, Carlos would help with.</p><p>He didn’t know how long he was staring at the couple, only that it was long enough that he didn’t notice the sirens until they were right behind him. He blinked, snapping back into reality as he watched the firefighters race into the house, TK along with them. He looked to his partner for an explanation.</p><p>“One of the people in there had a seizure,” she informed him, smirking at how he was so lost in thought that he didn’t hear dispatch’s message. Carlos began escorting the couple into the back of the police car to drive them home.</p><p>Then he heard it.</p><p>He heard the noise that every police officer dreaded that they would hear.</p><p>Carlos quickly glanced at his partner, who gave him a fast nod of approval, then he raced in. His heart was beating so fast, and he was praying to every god in the entire universe <i>please don’t be him, please don’t be him.</i></p><p>He got to where the 126 was crowded in already grabbing his gun as he saw the blood on the wall and forced himself to not get distracted by whoever was on the ground. <i>Please don’t be him, please don’t be him.</i><br/>
Carlos held his gun at the ready, prepared to assure an adult that <i>It’s okay, remain calm, just put down the weapon and everything will be fine.</i></p><p>What he was not expecting was a young boy holding an old-looking pistol looking as scared as his 7-year-old nephew was at the top of the waterslide last summer. Carlos hurriedly put away his gun, putting both hands out in front of him. Using his “cool uncle” voice as his sister liked to call it, he slowly talked to the kid, “Hey, bud, it’s okay, it’s just me, okay? I’m Carlos, what’s your name?”</p><p>“Um, uh, Sam,” the kid whispered out. </p><p>“Hi, Sam, I’m going to need you to do me a favor and put the gun down, okay?”</p><p>Sam stared into his eyes, fear plastered on him. He glanced at the firefighters behind Carlos and Carlos had to physically force himself not to follow his gaze. <i>Please don’t be him, please don’t be him.</i></p><p>“I-I shot a firefighter,” Sam whimpered, still holding the gun up, his hands visibly shaking. <i>Please don’t be him, please don’t be him.</i></p><p>“It’s going to be okay, Sam, but the other firefighters are going to need to come in here to do their job and help your grandpa, and to do that, you need to put the gun away.” There was a lot of shuffling going on behind him and Sam widened his eyes at what was happening. Carlos focused on staring at Sam. <i>Please don’t be him, please don’t be him.</i></p><p>“But, but what if other intruders come in? What if they try to kill us?” Sam’s voice got shrill.</p><p>“I’ll protect you, okay, Sam? I’ll protect you if anything happens. Just put the gun down.” Slowly, Sam put the gun on the ground. In a flurry, Michelle and her team surrounded him and did their thing with Sam’s grandpa. Carlos held Sam in a hug, a sigh of relief coursing through him. </p><p>As he stood up, Carlos finally turned around. There was no one in the hallway.</p><p>“They took him outside,” Michelle said rushed. Carlos’s breath quickened. <i>Please don’t be him, please don’t be him.</i></p><p>“Hey, Sam, do you want to come with me outside?” Carlos kindly asked Sam, trying to sound as calm and collected as he possibly could. </p><p>“I’m going to stay with Nana,” Sam responded, glancing at his grandma. Carlos nodded, then walked out the door. He forced himself not to walk too fast. Not to sprint outside and make sure that TK was okay. <i>Please don’t be him, please don’t be him.</i></p><p>We walked outside and the cold night air hit him weakly. He could barely feel anything other than the rapid heartbeat in his chest. He saw the cluster that was the 126 wheel someone on a stretcher into the ambulance. He desperately did a headcount of them, looking for TK’s soft, fluffy hair in the mix. <i>Please don’t be him, please don’t be him.</i></p><p>He didn’t find it. TK was not standing and pushing his teammate who was shot into an ambulance and toward a hospital. The emotions hit Carlos like a sandbag. Suddenly, it was hard to breathe. Not knowing if TK was okay, not knowing if he would ever see a brilliant smile on that beautiful face or the laughing green-grey eyes that hid a million different secrets that Carlos might not get to be told. He walked over to his patrol car, one foot in front of the other, one breath in and one breath out. He got to the car and his partner nodded. A silent agreement that she’d drive.</p><p>Carlos fought the sting of the tears in his eyes, he really did. He just had to hold out until he was off the shift. Behind him, he heard the soft murmurs of the reunited couple, and it was just a twist of the knife. He might never get that with TK. He might never be able to sit and have a deep heart-to-heart conversation with TK. He might never be able to hold him, to feel his steady heartbeat, to see his amazing brightness.</p><p>The couple was soon dropped off and the 12-minute drive to the precinct had never felt longer as Carlos replayed every single moment he had with TK in his mind, trying to cherish every single one. He thought about all the things he had longed to say but didn’t. All the things he should have confessed but had never mustered up the courage to do so because of how scared he was that he would break the great thing they had together. Now, he might have to live with the crushing guilt of what could have been if he had just told him.</p><p>His partner stopped the car and Carlos mechanically got out of the passenger’s seat. Only after he was out did he realized that it wasn’t the precinct but instead the hospital. Only a little way’s away stood the EMT car of the 126. Carlos stared at his partner in the driver’s seat and she smiled knowingly at her. He walked toward the open window.</p><p>“I still have a few hours on my shift,” he said, his voice surprisingly cracking.</p><p>“I got it covered,” she said, “just go be with him.” Carlos sighed and stood up, walking into the hospital.</p><p>“Is there a Tyler Kennedy Strand?” Carlos asked the woman at the front desk. </p><p>“He’s currently undergoing surgery in room 11. The waiting room is just down that hallway.” Thanking the woman profusely, Carlos hurried down the hallway to where Owen Strand was already standing in front of the giant window looking into the surgery room. The doctors surrounded TK who looked so pale and lifeless, nothing like the wide awake and cheerful or even the beautiful disaster Carlos had a glance at when he stormed out at dinner.</p><p>Carlos stood a good few feet away from Owen Strand as he stared at the surgeons hard at work. And then he let the tears fall.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'll post the next chapter of what Carlos says on TK's bedside [after they were so rudely cut by the director to show us Michelle being (surprise surprise) sad about Iris] as soon as I can.<br/>Please leave kudos and comments! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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